Go Fourth Apartment Two

(In advance: Please forgive me for the lack of page breaks in this post. Even though I definitely put spaces between paragraphs, the formatting seems to be messed up. Hopefully this problem will not affect how you feel about the content.)


I think that an insect has laid eggs under my skin. I have three nasty, itchy bites on my left ankle and the whole thing has become swollen. It’s a pseudo cankle and I’m very distressed about it. Not so much about the insect eggs, but the cankle situation. If some form of beast wants to lay its unborn children under my skin, that’s fine. I supposed it’s on honor, but not at the expense of a cankle. Furthermore, I am not comfortable with only one cankle. Having one slim, gorgeous gam will only increase the cankle’s hideousness. I am not wrong about this.

I shouldn’t be surprised though. I live in a hundred (fact unverified) year old building that doesn’t have screens on the windows. They open out so birds and bats can fly in at their leisure. But the bugs think that they have the right to come in and possibly lay eggs under my skin. I am at the mercy of these arthropods, and mercy is something severely lacking in those who have jointed appendages, exoskeletons and thoraxes (thoraxi?). I can’t take responsibility for any of it. I’m far too busy. I will just have to suffer through this one cankled leg phase. 

But here’s an even better update that I think you will enjoy much more than reading about my insect/human fusion problem.

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I’m engaged! 


It’s pretty exciting times around here my friends. But I won't talk about it much on this blog because my snarkiness will ruin the romance of it all. Feel free to peruse the wedding blog that my FINACE’ and I have cooked up. Bon appetite. 

And I want everyone to know that this engagement isn’t going to make me an adult. I will not stop writing this blog just because I have a lady ring on my dainty little finger. I am still far too immature to be a married person. So you’re welcome. 

Now enjoy Part Dos of my apartment saga. 

I found my apartment on Craig’s list. This is a recreation (in true Craig’s list form) of the ad: 

FunkyFourthStreetStudioapartment$400utilitiesincluded.FourthStreetFairPeacocksandmore!

I thought, whatever does that mean? I guess the most important stuff was accounted for; the price and utilities.  As for anything other relevant thing, it was not available. But it sounded good, affordable and close to my new office. 

But most importantly, what did “peacocks and more” mean exactly? And what’s so funky about this neighborhood?

I decided to come home and visit for a long weekend. This apartment was the first one my mom and I looked at. Turns out, there was a peacock (peahen) living on the street with a bunch of chicken friends. The block long street was tree lined and there was indeed funky stuff everywhere. Funky is one of those things that is hard to describe, but like pornography, you’ll know it when you see it. 

The building itself looked decent from the outside even though the stairwell was spooky. But the apartment was perfect. Small, but perfect for me; brightly lit and clean. It also had a completely tree obstructed view of not one, but two highways. So it felt like being in a city, but didn’t look like it. The “tour” took 5 seconds and the building manager didn’t seem to care if I signed a lease or not. This is the perfect landlord temperament. 

We looked at a few other rat infested apartments, but this one was the best. It was weird to decide where I wanted to live right away because it’s not usually that easy, but I believe if you find exactly what you’re looking for the first time around, why keep at it? Why shop around if you would like to live in a funky, peacock filled neighborhood, which is so close to your office that you can (and do) walk? The ad did not do this street any justice and neither does this post. 

Here are some of the other highlights:

1. Lighthouse lens (recently stolen. By who? Giant lens theives. Why? Because black market lighthouse lenses are a real commodity. How? With the help of a giant)
2. Big scary Dooley car that used to breathe real fire!
3. Dog park/stage area
4. Short bike ride to the recycling center
5. A hearse
6. Everyone kind of smells like alcohol all the time
7. Fire pit 

 
Funky Fourth Street Friends and Foes